Off with the Dursleys
by Ellen Smock
Summary: This is my answer to the question: What happened when the Dursleys went off with the magical family? I mean, obviously that had to be weird, right? This is my last HP story. It was originally published under the name Elizadolots.
1. Chapter 1

The Dursely's Departed

Disclaimer: NOT MINE! All characters are the property of JK Rowling, bless her soul. I get nothing.

Archive okay with my permission.

**Leaving Privet Drive**

"Hurry up, Petunia!" Vernon was squeezed in behind the steering wheel looking thoroughly put upon. Dedalus Diggle was sitting next to him apparently playing with the radio which was making a cacophony of sounds suggesting all buttons and dials were being engaged. Hestia Jones was lingering outside the car, seemingly intent on having Petunia squeeze between her and the massive Dudley. She politely held the door open, gesturing for Petunia to precede her.

"Thank you" Petunia muttered as she slid in beside Dudley. Hestia seemed delighted at this bit of courtesy and cried out loudly "Oh, you're so very welcome!" as she slid in and closed the door.

Even pressed up against Dudley, Petunia couldn't get far enough away from Hestia to successfully pretend she wasn't there. Opting for a non-committal nod of the head toward Hestia, Petunia locked her eyes ahead saying "Very well, Vernon…we might as well be on with it".

Vernon put the car in gear and began backing down the driveway. This caused such an excited set of squeals from both Dedalus and Hestia that Vernon stopped the car, turned in his seat and roared "WHAT IS IT??".

"It goes backwards then? This car of yours?" Dedalus asked excitedly. "I'd thought they would go forward, you see… How outstanding!" Meanwhile, Hestia leaned forward excitedly, grabbing Petunia's attention "So, will we be going backwards all the way? I'd never thought to travel backwards, always sat forwards on my broom you know….do you think I should give it a try?"

Unexpectedly, it was Dudley who stepped in to put things back on course. "It goes both ways. Backwards and forwards. That stick there…when it points to R the car goes backwards, when it points to D the car goes forward."

Petunia beamed at her son as though he'd just explained Einstein's theory of relativity.

"Right then" said Vernon, getting the car going back down the driveway. Both Hestia and Dedalus watch excitedly when he moved the gear shift from "R" to "D". As the car began to move forwards, they broke into applause.

Vernon rolled his eyes, not bothering to suppress a groan of disgust. Hestia reached across Petunia to tap Dudley on the arm. "Excuse me…if you wouldn't mind…how is it you know that the R makes the car go backwards and the D makes the car go forwards….I would have expected B and F, if you know what I mean."

Dudley truley looked sympathetic. "Oh, yeah, well…you know we have to take special classes to learn to drive a car, not everyone can do it." Dudley puffed up proudly. "I just finished my class last month, had to take it twice because it's so complicated, but I got it!"

Petunia beamed. Dudley paused as if trying to remember the original question… "Oh, yeah…well the R is for "reverse" you see, the D is for "drive"" he said confidently. "Oh, how clever! Hestia exclaimed" "So, when you're in R you aren't really driving then?"

This appeared to stump Dudley who scrunched up his eyes as if pondering a truly deep mystery. Petunia patted his arm encouragingly. "Never mind, Didums…. Um… Mr. Diggle, is it? How far did you say we needed to go?".

Dedalus grinned widely at Petunia, thinking his prediction of fast friendship was already coming true. Leaning in enthusiastically, only inches from Petunia. "Oh, ten miles should do it I would say. I remember reading an article in the Prophet—that's our daily newspaper, don't you know—that there was a least one witch or wizard in any 10 square mile area of London. So, ten miles ought to put us in range of someone who is allowed to do magic, does that make sense, dear?"

Petunia, jerking back a bit at the endearment "Um, yes, well…of course, that makes sense. Vernon, how much further?"

"Oooo! Can it keep track then?" Dedalus at once turned his attention to Vernon, obviously impressed by the many things the car could do.

Dudley, however, seemed to feel that was an area in which he could display expertise. "Oh, yeah! It can keep track of all sorts of things! See that number there?" Dudley leaned forward pushing his large arm between the seats to indicate a number on the dashboard. "That's what we call the trip odometer. You set it to zero at the beginning of the trip and it keeps track of how many miles you've gone. And this…" Dudley swung his finger up, nearly causing Vernon to loose his grip on the wheel "this is the regular odometer. It keeps track of every mile the car has gone since it was first made".

"Oh, my, how impressive!" Dedalus exclaimed, causing Dudley to puff up even more. "But I wonder why then this, what did you call it? Trip thing, here says 250….surely we haven't gone 250 miles so quickly have we?" Dedalus looked to Dudley for his answer, seeming to sense that Vernon was using all his will power to simply drive the car.

"Oh, that's 'cause Dad is keeping track of the mileage, you know. He didn't set it to zero when we started driving, he set it to zero when he put gas in the car. This way he can keep track of how many miles he can drive on a gallon of gas."

"Gas? This runs on gas?" Hestia seemed unduly disturbed by that concept. While Dudley didn't know what she thought the word "gas" referred to, he once again knew that he had the answer. "Gasoline, petroleum, it comes from the ground. It's what we call a fuel. The car heats it up and the energy from the heat makes the car move."

"Oh, how delightful! I don't mind telling you I had quite a different image in my head when I heard that word "gas" dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful explanation."

Dudley nodded warmly… "Oh, it was nothing really…they teach us that in school".

Dedalus was happy to see that Dudley, at least, seemed willing to get along. He had been a bit frightened at first sight of the boy and it had taken Harry Potter quite a few minutes out on the porch to convince him this wasn't some part giant child who might explode in rage at any moment.

However, his concerns on how far they'd traveled still needed to be answered. He cast a glance at the man called Vernon. Once again, Dedalus decided Dudley would provide an answer that was at least a bit less explosive than anything Vernon might say. Looking Dudley in the eye, he asked "So, then, how will we know when we've gone 10 miles?"

Dudley looked confused and glanced over at his mother. Petunia looked like she'd rather bite an onion than be friendly with this Diggins person, but knew her Dudley needed her.

"The road, this is Canon Road and if we stay on it until Walthsingshire, we will have gone 10 miles."

"Right! That's what I was going to say…once we get to Walthingshire it will be 10 miles."

"Wonderful!" said Dedalus, looking genuinely impressed at this bit of knowledge. "So, how many more miles do we have to go, then?"

Dudley looked thoughtful, but then noticed a sign up ahead "4 miles, it's 4 miles more to Walthsingshire!".

Dedalus positively clapped with glee at this display. "Wonderful! You're such a tremendous help!" Dedalus grinned happily at Dudley, truly grateful that someone in the car seemed both willing to talk to him and knowledgeable about the mysterious machine that was hurtling them across country. Dedalus would have felt much more comfortable flying a broom high above all these trees and signs and other cars.

Dudley smiled at the compliment. Deciding his father wouldn't risk punishing him while driving, Dudley pursued his earlier question.

"Mr. Diggins, sir?"

"Oh, how polite he is!" Hestia patted Petunia on the arm "That's a mother's teaching that is!" Petunia forgot not to smile at the unusual circumstance of hearing both herself and her son praised at the same time. "Yes, well, thank you, he's always been a good boy."

Dudley pressed on. "Mr. Diggins, just why is it that Harry isn't going with us? I understand that he has other friends and stuff, but doesn't he need protecting too?"

Dedalus seemed truly touched by this. "Oh, don't you worry dear boy! Harry is being protected. The thing is, he's sort of the reason there's any danger, don't you know? So, anyone who's around him is going to be in danger too, that's the thing. We're hoping that by separating you, we can keep you all safer."

Dudley considered this for a moment, but before he could respond, Vernon interrupted "But then why did we have to leave? Why not just take him away?"

Dedalus spoke with that quite, childlike tone one uses with the mentally unstable… "I understand how you might think that, Mr. Dursley, but I thought it had been explained to you. When Harry no longer considers your house his home, the one we don't name will be able to "see" it. He will know that Harry lived there with you as he grew up. He will, no doubt, assume that you hold some affection for Harry and would, if he could, hold you and your family, possibly even torture you, to convince Harry to come to him".

"But, that's ridiculous! We could just explain to the fellow that we were stuck with that Potter brat. We don't hold any more affection for him than he does for us!"

Dedalus and Hestia pulled back with shocked looks on their faces. Of course they'd sensed that Harry's childhood home had not been the friendliest, but to hear this man claim there was no affection at all was unexpected.

Petunia and Dudley exchanged glances. Dudley looked almost as shocked as Dedalus at this outburst.

Petunia broke the awkward silence. "Yes, well…whether there was affection or not, I don't think this fellow, as it were, is someone who listens to reason….at least, that was the impression I'd gotten from before." She looked over at Dedalus who seemed to be recovering his composure. "Is that right, Mr. Diggins? He's not really someone you can reason with?"

"Quite right, dear! And how very perceptive of you. Indeed, I'd wager that if he believed you when you said there was no affection in the house he'd just blow the whole thing up with you in it. He'd be angry that he'd wasted his time and he'd take that out on you."

Petunia's jaw slacked in horror and Dudley let out what might have been a whimper.

Even Vernon looked frightened at this thought.

"Oh, Dad! Walthsingshire! Right here! Turn in!"

"I see it, boy, do you think I'm blind?"

Dedalus looked infinitely relieved to have finally arrived.

Vernon pulled the car into a parking space in front of a small hardware shop. Turning to Dedalus, he asked "What now? What do we do?".

"We apparate." Dedalus said, as if he were announcing that they'd now be going for ice cream.

"We what? How do we do that? We can't do that. Are the whole lot of you mad?" Vernon blustered, causing both Petunia and Dudley to blush and look away.

Hestia, also adopting the "confirmed mental case" tone of voice, patted Vernon soothingly on the arm and said "Yes, dear…we do know that" Vernon jerked away as she continued "But, of course, we'll help you, won't we? We can take you with us. Sort of like a ride! Like you drove this car thing, but all the rest of us got to come along. Is that clear?" She looked genuinely concerned that her explanation might not have been simple enough, but Vernon seemed to understand her.

"Very well then, let's get on with it!" Now that Vernon was committed, he didn't want to waste any time. Vernon had made quite the career for himself by never wasting time and he wasn't about to start now.

Hestia, still in her "tone" tried to calmly explain "Well…we really need to go somewhere, dear…we can't do it from the car now, can we?"

"Why on earth not? What's wrong with the bloody car!"

"Oh, nothing, dear, nothing at all…the thing is, we're sitting, aren't we? If we tried to Apparate while sitting, well.. it could be uncomfortable when we land, don't you see? Apparating onto a couch or a chair is a bit dangerous, don't you know? And, if we don't do that, well…then we'd just fall on our bums wouldn't we?"

Petunia, Dudley and Dedalus all nodded at this. "Yes, Vernon, dear…that makes sense, we don't want Dudley to get hurt now, do we?" Petunia offered.

Dudley looked mildly affronted at the suggestion he was the most likely to be injured, but let it go.

Vernon seemed to recognize that, much as it disturbed him to think it, these magical people were the experts in this area so would have to be listened to.

"Okay, well…let's just get out of the car then if that's the problem."

Dedalus looked relieved at the progress Vernon seemed to be making. "Very good, yes, that's right, we'll have to get out of the car. But we can't just Apparate out here on the street now, can we?"

Petunia spoke up "Right, dear! What would people say if we just suddenly popped away?"

Hestia was positively delighted by this. "Popped away! That's exactly right! Not only will we vanish from sight, but there's quite a distinct POP noise! How clever of you! You must have been very close to your dear sister to have remembered that!"

Petunia's discomfort at this line of thought was fortunately covered up by Dudley.

"We passed a field back there a bit, if we just walked into that field, no one would be able to see or hear."

"Excellent!" Dedalus exclaimed, utterly relieved that the woman and boy seemed to have some sense at least.

"Let's just do that then….now, didn't you hide some things in the back of the car before we left?"

"We didn't hide anything! What do you think we are? Criminals? We put our luggage in the trunk of the car, you loon!"

"Oh, dear…well, how very smart of you then, to do that…should we perhaps get those things out?" Dedalus hoped that by praising the man, he'd at least get him to quit yelling all the time.

Dudley opened the car door and, as Hestia was looking both impressed with his skill and befuddled on how to proceed, he reached over his mother to open Hestia's door as well. "Oh, how wonderful! What a strong, smart young man you have here Mrs. Dursley!"

"Petunia, please" Petunia offered before she caught herself. Vernon looked positively livid at this offer of familiarity, but Hestia was delighted. "Petunia it is! And, of course, you'll be calling me Hestia, then!" "Oh, of course, yes. Hestia, Thank you" Petunia replied as she slid out of the car.

Dedalus had watched Dudley with great care and was preparing to open his door, when, to his amazement, the lock seemed to just open by itself. "Oi!" He quickly pulled the handle and climbed out before the thing could change its mind. "Young man! Can you explain this? How on earth…I thought you folks couldn't do…you know…"

Dudley chuckled softly, enjoying the rare experience of being the smarter person as he unloaded their bags from the trunk… "No, it's an automatic lock, that's what it is. See, it's connected to Dad's lock so when he unlocked his door, yours unlocked too, get it?"

Clearly satisfied with that explanation, Dedalus reached up, trying to give Dudley a paternal pat on the shoulder but couldn't manage more than an odd sort of tap on the elbow. "Thank you, young man! I don't know how we would have gotten this far without you…now, can you lead us to this field you saw?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Arriving**

The five took off toward the field with Dudley in the lead carrying most of the luggage and Dedalus looking back at Vernon as though unsure of the man's ability to play "follow the leader."

Once they were solidly in the field and away from view, Hestia called for a halt. "This should do it, don't you think, Dedalus?"

"Quite, quite…let's get on with it then, now, Mr. Dursley, I thought that Hestia here could escort you and your beautiful wife" he cast a dazzling smile at Petunia who couldn't stop herself from smiling blushing at the compliment "while I'll escort this strapping young man of yours, alright? Now, then, you to gather around Hestia, that's the ticket. Hold onto your bags….We'll just meet you at my place then, alright?"

With a loud POP the Dursley's vanished. Dudley lost the air of confidence he'd gained while explaining things about the car and seemed to remember that he found magic frightening. "Where'd they go? How'd she do that? She didn't even have her thing out?"

Dedalus looked mildly horrified. "Her, um… "thing" did you say, um…well, exactly what "thing" did you think she would be taking out?".

"Her…what do you call it, you know….her wand. She didn't even have her wand out. Harry always has his out when he does that sort of stuff."

"Ah" Clearly relieved, Dedalus shook his head to clear it of the unfortunate image his brain had provided… "No, for Apparation a wand is not usually needed, it's more a matter of concentration than wand movement…now if you please, take my arm and we'll join your parents."

Dudley had barely touched Dedalus when there was another loud POP and Dudley found himself standing next to his parents in front of a run down shack.

"Next to his parents" is perhaps not the right phrase as Vernon was now, in fact, on his hands and knees retching while Petunia, perched on one of the bags, leaned over him brushing back his hair, muttering comforting sounds.

"Bit of a rough ride, Hestia? I'm surprised at you, I thought you specialized in side along apparation, that was one of the reasons you got the job."

Hestia was steaming. "Of course it wasn't a rough ride! There was nothing rough about it. It was smooth as can be. The man's stomach is obviously as weak as his…"

"COUGH!" interrupted Dedalus "Yes, well…I see, of course." Turning to the Dursley's "Alright then, let's not daudle out here. The whole point is not to be seen, isn't it? There's the man, you can do it…oh, dear, no…um, well, Dudley, young man…perhaps you'd be able to give your father a hand here? It's really best we be getting inside."

Dudley shuffled both the bags he carried under one arm and reached down and, in one move, hauled Vernon to his feet. He gave a nodded his readiness to Dedalus.

Dedalus lead them up a cracked and worn walkway to a set of stairs that didn't look capable of supporting Hestia much less Vernon and Dudley together, but Dedalus just walked on. After a moment's hesitation, Dudley did to. To his amazement, both the steps and porch held up.

If Dudley found the porch amazing, it was nothing compared to his reaction to the inside of the house. Though it looked like a 2 room shack on the outside, inside it was a mansion. A marble mantle framed the huge fireplace which seemed to be burning even now though it was a warm summer day. Lush dark woods were everywhere and a spiral staircase in the corner promised more rooms above.

While the Dursley's were gawking at their surroundings, Dedalus was clapping his hands and calling for someone named Morton.

An exceptionally loud POP brought the Dursley's back to their senses only to be discomfited by the appearance of a small, bat eared creature wearing a tea towel and bowing to Dedalus. "Pardon, Mr. Diggins, what is it you wish?"

"No problem at all, Morton." Looking at the Dursley's "Morton here is our house elf. Our guests here will be staying for a few days, maybe longer. Would you prepare rooms for them. And, be sure to tell Misty to prepare extra food?" "Certainly, sir" "Oh, Morton" said Hestia "If I could have the front room, you know, the one with the nice bath, that would be oh, so lovely" "Of course, ma'am" said the elf, but Dedalus put out a hand to stop him from leaving.

"Hestia, dear…I'd thought to put Mr. and Mrs. Dursley in that room. I'm sure the back room has a nice enough bath for a few days, don't you think? I really think they'd be more comfortable there."

Hestia obviously did not appreciate this, but couldn't bring herself to argue in front of the Muggles.

Dedalus turned to Morton. "Very well, then Morton…now, the Dursley's here are Muggles and so not used to some of our ways. If they have any questions, you just answer them, all right?" Morton nodded and turned amazed eyes on the Muggles. Obviously, for him this was a first and he found idea of Muggles as intriguing as they found the idea of a "house elf". Bowing deeply, Morton looked up at them and said "Certainly, if the gentlefolk will just follow me." Morton gave a wave of his hand and all the bags jumped into the air to follow him as he shuffled toward the stair.

As the Dursley's moved away, Hestia stepped in to voice her complaints. "Just why did you give them my favorite room? Have you ever seen a Muggle bathroom? They would have thought the small one was luxurious enough! There's no reason to spoil them!"

"There, there, Hestia, dear. Do calm yourself. I'm sure they won't be here long. If Kingsley's right, the protection on the house ended tonight. Tomorrow, we'll see what, if anything, You Know Who did about it. Once we know, I'm sure the Dursley's will be ready to find someplace else."

"You really expect their house to be destroyed, don't you?"

"Of course. You remember what happened to the Potters' all those years ago. I would bet my life You Know Who will make sure this house is blown up much more spectacularly, just as a little message to Potter."

"Oh, dear…well…I would hope you're wrong, but I don't think you are. Whatever will the Muggles do? That man can't do much can he? Will they even be able to survive without Potter?"

Dedalus chuckled… "Ah, Hestia, you never cease to amuse me. I don't think Potter's been helping this family survive and I'm quite sure that this Mr. Dursley, however incompetent he seems to us, is quite acceptable for many Muggle professions. I've heard they even have people employed in the disposal of trash and waste you know. I'm sure he'll be able to find something. If nothing else, he can drive a car."

Hestia looked uncertain.

Meanwhile, Dudley was approaching rapture. His "room" turned out to be a small suite with a bathtub big enough to take even his generous proportions and a bed that was bigger than the cupboard in which Harry used to live. He was bouncing on the bed, gawking about the room when Morton re-appeared, after having shown Petunia and Vernon to an even more luxurious suite next door.

"Will the young master be wanting anything before dinner?"

"Yeah. Where's the television? And, is there a computer here or can I get my laptop out and plug in somewhere?"

Morton looked confused. "Alas, young master, I hate to disappoint you, and I will punish myself for my failure, but I know of none of these things. We don't "plug in" things, you see? They either work or they don't."

Dudley's mood turned sour at this news. "What do you mean you don't plug things in? What about this lamp?" Dudley rolled over to the nightstand and pulled the shade off the lamp. Much to his surprise, he didn't find a bulb. Instead, there was a perfectly round flame that emitted a bluish glow but didn't seem to be the least bit hot. "Oh…"

"Yes, quite, young master…I'm afraid things here aren't going to be quite what you're used to, but hopefully we can find something that will be entertaining."

Suddenly inspired, Morton toddled over to the bookcase. Scanning the titles, humming to himself, he gave a grunt when he saw something on a shelf just above his head. He pulled down a large book, and brought it to Dudley on the bed. "TheTales of Beedle the Bard" read Dudley. "Sounds like a children's book, do I look like a kid to you?"

"Of course not, young master…no offence is intended. It's just that reading the stories people tell their children is a good way to learn about another culture, is it not?" Dudley looked somewhat mollified as Morton went on "And, this isn't just a story book, it's what we call a pop up book, quite special!"

"What's so special about a pop up book? We have those, too you know."

"Do you now? I had no idea. Well, perhaps it won't be so special then, but as you do seem to lack anything to do for a bit, maybe you'll want to take a look at it? I'll just leave you to it then. Dinner will be at 7 o'clock." Morton pointed to an ornate Grandfather's clock in the corner. Dudley noticed that the hands were now pointed to "rest and relax" with "dinner" looking like it was at least an hour away.

Morton backed out of the room. Dudley, having no experience with house elves, couldn't be sure, but he thought the expression the elf wore might have been smug.

After walking about the room, playing with all the faucets in the bathroom and rifling through the shelves, Dudley concluded the only thing to do was read the children's book. Looking about to make sure no one could see, he opened the cover and his jaw dropped. An eight inch tall man popped right out of the page, announcing the book title and encouraging Dudley to turn the page. He did, only to be confronted with a complete scene with characters, animals, even clouds in the sky. Dudley decided he might be able to do without television for a few days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Learning What Happened**

The next morning the house was in chaos. It was all Vernon could do to get the story out of the Dedalus who seemed shocked beyond belief. Hestia was sobbing uncontrollably despite Petunia's efforts to comfort her.

"Dead? Someone's dead you say?"

"Yes, Mad Eye! I don't think you met him. He was very powerful. And one of the Weasley boys was badly hurt. I think that was all…the message was very short."

"Which Weasley? Do you know?" Asked Dudley.

"Why on earth would you care which Weasle go hurt? What does it bloody matter?" Vernon bellowed.

"Because one of them is Harry's best friend, that's why Dad. I want to know if something happened to Harry's best friend."

Petunia looked up lovingly at her son then went back to comforting the distraught witch.

"Fine, fine, you care, but apparently he doesn't know, so there!" Vernon seemed to feel he'd won some kind of point.

"Do you know?" Dudley looked directly at Dedalus.

"No, I'm afraid not. I know that 4 of the Weasley boys were involved, so there's a good chance it wasn't Harry's friend. Though, I understand he cares for all the Weasley's. Considers them to be family even."

Dudley and Petunia looked embarrassed at this revelation. Vernon paid it no mind.

"Well, then…not much more to be done here, is there? We'd best be getting back to our house."

Dedalus looked frightened. "Oh, dear, well…perhaps we ought to check and see if it's alright?"

"How in bloody hell do you expect me to do that?" Vernon was obviously back in form.

"Well, perhaps one of your newspaper's maybe? You do have those, I know. I've seen them in those boxes on the street."

"Why would our house be in the newspaper?" Vernon roared.

"Vernon!" Petunia spoke just loud enough to be heard over the sobbing woman. "Vernon, if what they fear did happen, then I'm sure it would be in the newspaper, you see? It was, well…the last time"

"What last time? Oh…right, I forgot, right then" turning to Dedalus "if we buy a newspaper and there's no mention of our house, will you return us to it?"

"Oh, yes! Excellent idea Mr. Dursley! Let me get my hat and we can walk down to one of those boxes. Do you happen to know how they open? I've tried and tried but without resorting to magic, I just could not figure it out."

"Of course I know how to get a newspaper you idiot!"

"Dad!"

"What now?"

"Don't call him an idiot. Just because he doesn't understand how something works, doesn't mean he's stupid. There's lots of stuff I don't understand and sometimes people call me stupid. It's not nice."

Vernon rolled his eyes, obviously thinking that his son had spent enough time among this lot.

"Fine, he's not an idiot, now let's go."

It took slightly longer to walk to the corner with the Newspapers because, unlike the night before, the sidewalks were full of people. Even before reaching the box, however, Petunia began to whimper. "Look…look at the front page!" A picture of a neighborhood almost completely destroyed. There wasn't a house standing. Above it, the headline read "Tornado destroys street in Little Whinging".

Vernon almost couldn't manage to put the coins in the slot, his hands were shaking so badly. Dedalus nodded knowingly and whispered to Hestia "I told you it was tricky!" Once the paper had been extracted, Petunia let out a scream. Under the picture the caption read "Privet Drive destroyed. 5 families presumed dead".

"Oh, dear!" cried Hestia "you were right, Dedalus."

"So it seems, unfortunately. I think we should be getting back now, don't you, we can decide what to do once we're back inside."

The witch and wizard gently prodded the stunned Dursley's to return to the mansion. Summoning Morton for tea, Dedalus got the Dursley's seated.

"You have a decision to make."

"What sort of decision?" Petunia seemed to have recovered first.

"What are you going to do? It says here" Dedalus picked up the paper "that the _inhabitants_ of Number 4 are among those presumed dead. That's you, right?"

Dudley and Petunia both nodded.

"Well, that's wonderful then!"

"That's WONDERFUL??" Vernon roared, seeming to find the conversation interesting again.

"Yes, of course! Don't you see? If they think you're dead, no one will be looking for you. You'll need new names and things. But, we can help you with that."

Dudley looked interested "It would be like on those Television shows, Dad. What do they call that? The witness location program?"

"Witness Relocation Program" offered Petunia.

"Yeah, like that! We get new names, a new place to live, you get a new job. We start fresh."

"But is that necessary? Why don't we go to the police and tell them we weren't home when the tornado hit? Why do we have to give up our names and my job?" Vernon asked.

Dedalus and Hestia exchanged glances. She took up the fight with a small cough. "Well, um. It's not just the police, is it? There's You Know Who, isn't there?"

"You Know Who? Who the HELL is You Know Who?" Vernon stormed about the room. Morton stuck his head out of the kitchen, apparently concerned that the house was under attack.

Petunia said quietly "The one who destroyed our home, of course!"

"Oh, yes, him" Vernon subsided somewhat "yes, I suppose it wouldn't do to announce ourselves right yet, would it?"

"Excellent!" Dedalus clapped his hands. "Very good. I know everyone is still a bit upset and I don't think there's any harm in waiting a bit, but there are a few things Hestia and I can get about to now, while you recover if you don't mind?"

"Things, what sorts of things?" Vernon asked suspiciously.

"Well, your bank accounts and whatnot. Obviously, with you being dead you can't go in and make a withdrawal now can you?"

Vernon sat down hard. How could he have forgotten about their bank accounts? And what could this oddball of a man called Diggins do about it?

Taking advantage of the lull, Dedalus plunged on. "If you'll just come up with new names and give us that information the bank has, what is it? You people don't have a vault key, what is it?"

"Account number" Dudley provided, to Dedalus's delight.

"Yes! That's it, your account number! Then we can switch it, see? Change the name on the account."

"You can WHAT?" Vernon's voice seemed to rattle the walls.

"Change the name. It's not hard, really.."

It took some time to convince Vernon that the financial world was not in danger of being destroyed by wizards. After much discussion, the Dursleys settled on Vernon for the family name, with Petunia and Dudley keeping their given names.

"Why do you get to keep your names?" Vernon asked somewhat dangerously.

"Well, because we're not as well known as you, now, are we? People won't recognize our names?" Petunia offered appeasingly.

Hestia was astonished at the notion that anyone anywhere would recognize the name Vernon Dursley, but wisely kept that to herself.

"Well, then" Dedalus offered "We just need to come up with a name that suits you then, don't we? How about Barnabus?"

Vernon glared.

"Botswick?" offered Hestia.

Vernon glared.

"Beedle?" suggested Dudley to Vernon's obvious shock. "I, uh…saw it in a book" Dudley explained.

"How about Argus, dear? That was your father's name, after all, Argus." Petunia said.

"Oh, how perfect!" Hestia applauded while Dedalus and Dudley nodded their agreement.

"Very well… Argus".

Dedalus collected all the various account numbers and financial institutions the former Dursleys could give him.

"Oh, my! Quite a few more than I thought! Hestia dear, can you take some? It will save time."

"Of course, Dedy".

"Why's it take time? Don't you just wave your wand or something?" the man who had been Vernon asked, in that tone that suggested he didn't think he was getting the truth.

"Because we have to go to each of these places, don't you see? The magic has to be done on the spot or it won't work." Dedalus explained.

"Now, this will take some time, even with the two of us. So, why don't the three of you relax? When we get back, you'll be able to start your new lives as the Vernon family and forget this ever happened."

Dedalus and Hestia vanished.


	4. Chapter 4

Nineteen Years Later

The train rounded a corner. Harry's hand was still raised in farewell.

"He'll be alright," murmured Ginny.

As Harry looked at her, he lowered his hand absentmindedly and touched the lightning scar on his forehead.

"I know he will."

The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well.

"When will Daisy come back, Daddy?" Harry turned to see a redheaded girl riding on big burly shoulders waiving at the vanishing puff of smoke from the Hogwart's Express. The father turned away from the station, looking up at the girl. "Christmas Holiday's, Jasmine, Christmas Holidays!"

Harry's breath caught. Before he could stop himself he cried "Dudley?"

The large man's eyes snapped down, as his hands went to lift the girl off his shoulders and set her down. He stared for a moment at Harry's eyes. He glanced up at Harry's forehead as if for confirmation before replying "Harry?"

Moving the little girl's hand to his left, Dudley strode forward, right handed extended.

Harry fought the urge to reach for his wand and returned the gesture. They shook hands, each looking as though the other might turn out to be an illusion.

"Dudley, is it really you? What are you doing here?"

"'Course it's me! Who else would I be? I'm seeing the train off. My Daisy's onboard. Turns out it must skip about some, but seems to run in the family."

"You have kids? And their magical?"

"Yes and no… So far, just the one's magical. This one…" pulling the small girl forward "doesn't seem to be" looking down at the small girl "Jasmine, this is my cousin Harry. I told you about him."

Harry looked stunned. Dudley, here at Station 9 ¾ sending a magical daughter off to Hogwarts and having a non-magical daughter that knows about Harry! It took him a moment to realize the small girl was holding out her hand. Taking it firmly, Harry looked her in the eyes. "It's nice to meet you Jasmine!"

She gave an embarrassed giggle, pulling her hand back. Dudley looked about to bust with pride. Gathering her courage, Jasmine spoke "My sister's a witch! She can do all sorts of amazing things! Gran says she's going to be very powerful."

Harry smiled at the girl then looked back at Dudley. "Gran? Is that Aunt Petunia?"

"Yeah! She would have been here today but Doris, that's the wife, took a spill yesterday and broke her ankle. Mum stayed home to look after her. She'll be sorry she missed seeing you, Harry!"

Harry doubted that. "And, what about your Dad? Uncle Ver.." "Argus!" Dudley interrupted. "My Dad, Argus Vernon"

Leaning forth in a conspiratorial whisper "We had to change it…you know, after what happened with the house and all."

Harry looked confused for a moment then remembered. "That's right. Dedalus told me they fixed you up and got you on your feet again."

"Right they did! Got us all our money, even the accounts at the stores and stuff. They really took care of us."

"Good, that's good…" Ginny tugged at Harry's sleeve reminding him that he had ignored her. "Oh, yes. Ginny, this is my cousin Dudley. You never met him when we were kids."

Ginny was wide eyed as she shook Dudley's extremely large hand. "Hello. I remember my brother's talking about you though. They met you."

Dudley took a moment to remember "Oh, you're a Weasley then? I remember all those red headed boys. They're your brothers?"

"Yup, that's them."

Pulling Lily to the front, Ginny introduced her "This is our youngest, Lily, both her big brothers are on the train".

Dudley smiled at the little girl, then Harry. "After your Mum! That's nice Harry. I like that! Hello, Lily." Dudley didn't try to shake hands, instead, he prodded Jasmine forward "This is my daughter, Jasmine. Looks like you're about the same age. Maybe you can be friends."

The girls looked at each other and giggled making the adults laugh along with them.

"What about your Dad, then, uh…Argus?"

An odd look flashed on Dudley's face. "He passed. Not long after the whole business with the house. Doctors said it was his heart. He never did do any exercise, you know."

"Oh, I'm, um, sorry Dudley, sorry to hear that." Harry said awkwardly.

"Thanks, but I know what he was like, Harry. You wouldn't believe how much Mum's changed since he passed, Harry. She was upset, of course, but it's really been for the best. She smiles all the time now."

Harry's eyebrows shot up. Try as he might, he didn't think he could recall ever having seen Aunt Petunia smile.

Dudley went on "and when things started happening around Daisy. Funny stuff, you know, it was Mum who recognized it. She told Daisy that one day a letter would come inviting her to a school where she would learn to control her magic"

Harry shook his head as if to clear his ears… "Really? Dudley? That just seems to... I don't know, surprising?"

Dudley laughed. "I know! I don't blame you for being surprised. And, she's been very helpful with Jasmine here, making sure she knows that Daisy is just different, not a freak or anything. She says she wants to make sure my girls never lose touch the way she and your Mum did."

"Wow, Dudley! That's amazing. I hardly know what to say."

Dudley laughed more then reached into his pocket. "Here, Harry. Here's my card. Maybe we can get together sometime, okay? And…"

Leaning in with a smile "You better warn your boys to stay away from my Daisy, you hear? She takes after me on one thing: she swings a mean punch!"

Harry looked down at the card which read Dudley Vernon, Personal Trainer and Boxing Coach

Both men laughed.

Ginny coughed.

"Oh, right" said Harry "We'd better be off then. It was amazing to see you Dudley. Um. Give your Mum a hug, huh?"

"Sure will Harry, sure will".


End file.
